James Comey, the former FBI director who already has a reputation for self-importance and melodrama, is back at it again. This time, instead of pretending to be the moral conscience of Washington, he’s posting five-minute monologues on Substack about how Taylor Swift helps him cope with President Trump. Yes, you read that right. The man who once led the most powerful law enforcement agency in the country is now a self-described “Swiftie” who claims he listens to Taylor Swift songs while cutting the grass and that her lyrics are helping him survive the Trump era.
In his rant, Comey starts with a bizarre flashback to his COVID diagnosis before pivoting, as usual, to Trump. He called Trump’s presidency a “bad dream” and accused him of humiliating America on the world stage. That’s when he dropped the Taylor Swift confession, bragging that he has attended her concerts, listens to her music religiously, and even participates in a family group chat about her. His favorite songs, he said, are “All Too Well, 10 Minute Version” and “Exile.”
Comey tried to frame Swift as a model of “how to stand up to bullies” without becoming like them. He praised her for opposing Trump and used her as a metaphor for how Democrats should fight back—mocking the right while supposedly keeping their “decency.” He went as far as quoting her lines about trolls and bullies, turning a pop star into his political therapist.
Let’s pause here. The man who helped launch the Russian collusion hoax, leaked his own memos to the press, and acted like he was running his own shadow presidency now admits he finds inspiration in Taylor Swift lyrics. If that doesn’t perfectly capture the unseriousness of the anti-Trump resistance, I don’t know what does.
Comey also spent time trashing the Republican Party, saying it’s full of “mean jerks” who are a minority of the country. He tried to spin his rant as a plea for civility, but his dripping contempt for conservatives showed otherwise. The irony of Comey calling others “coarse” after his own behavior in office seems completely lost on him.
In the end, Comey’s Substack entry said more about him than about Trump. Instead of sounding like a seasoned statesman, he came across as a bitter, retired bureaucrat who spends his afternoons mowing the lawn with Taylor Swift blasting in his earbuds while muttering about Trump. If this is the intellectual firepower behind Trump’s critics, the president can sleep easy.
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